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Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead. Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods; For nothing now can ever come to any good. --W.H. Auden
Love is ...
... a feeling of calm, when You should be restless
... knowing You’re safe, when utterly defenceless
... smiling at everything and yet at nothing at all
... stumbling, knowing there’s someone to break the fall
... a feeling of sadness, when they’re far away
... a simple kiss on the lips, making it a brighter day
... the butterflies feeling deep down inside
... knowing they’re near, even if miles divide
... being close and Your stomach would drop
... still noticing Your heart trying to hop
... the tears they can turn into smiles
... the twinkle they can put in Your eyes
... sharing Your troubles and sharing Your joys
... listening and hearing, even through all the noise
... forgiveness, when You should be eternally mad
... the knowledge, they’d never intentionally make You sad
... wanting to be there to lend a shoulder
... giving Your warmth, when it’s getting colder
... a warm feeling You get, when there’s a smile on their face
... shortening Your step to match their pace
... wanting to hold them tight
... willingness to stand and fight
Love is laughter and love is tears
Love is hopes and love is fears
Love is joy and love is pain
There’s so much more that I could say
But know, with love You never lose, but gain ...
So there...
Was it worth it? All the lies? Was it really worth it? Still want to tell me that I am not a necessity?
It all makes perfect sense now. I hope it made you happy and you got some secret perverse pleasure out of playing me .. Did you think I would never find out? In afterthought ...You just managed to drive me insane anyway. Be glad, be glad now. You got your wish. I am out of your life.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain.
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am the morning hush.
I am the graceful rush
of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the star shine of the night.
I am the flowers that bloom.
I am in a quiet room.
I am the birds that sing.
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
It is by Mary Frye
- Mood:
blank
Woke up yesterday morning and had my usual daily meeting. After the meeting I happily read through the emails I had received during the night and the morning. One of the emails announced that there had been a break-in to our London office. Second one in 2 months or so (month and a half really ..)
Well, as I was working from home yesterday then I asked a co-worker to have a look at my desk. You know, to make sure all my things were still present.
Guess what? Of course it was not. The laptop that had been on my table had gone walkies. Fair enough. The laptop was one of the 2 laptops in the whole company that housed some expensive software that I used to make Skype better.
I was not happy. I am still not happy. I am so used to it being there that during the day today I have turned to it several times to use it, only to find an empty space looking back at me.
So yes. Bastards! Not happy!
- Mood:
frustrated
Last night we went out. Enjoyed some ciders at the pub and just chilled. When pub closed we decided that it is still way too early to go home...
We ended up at a strip club ... It was pretty interesting as the last time I was in an establishment like that was about 12 years ago and even then I was just looking for someone and wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.
This was not the case last night. There were some pretty girls and some not so pretty girls. Some with more flesh on their bones and some very skinny ones.
All in all, I ended up getting a lap-dance. I would never in my life thought that would happen but then decided: Hey, you only live once! and went for it. Usually lap-dances do not last very long and even then the girls end up just topless unless you are willing to pay more. Well not this time. The girl dancing for me went all the way and it was not over in 1 minute either.
To be honest I quite enjoyed that experience. Hey! You are allowed to try anything at least once! Or else you have not lived at all .. ;)
- Location:London, UK
- Mood:
satisfied
I sulk because you never take me along! if you even invited me along from time to time would mean 100 times less sulking!. It is not that I sulk because you do something. It is because i am never invited along! Invite me along sometimes for fucks sake! You'd make your life a lot easier! And my life a lot less sulkier.
- Mood: moody
I repeat myself. I really have no self pride do I :D I forgive too much. I think that is called being a too nice person :D
I had one of those moments yesterday. Suddenly it all made sense. The way I've been feeling, the different signs that I had been trying to ignore, ...
I guess I should have known a lot earlier and probably on some subconscious level I did, just refused to believe it. But you know what, it does not matter. Life goes on. Just take a deep breath and rummage on and before you know it, everything is going to be OK again.
I have no regrets though. I guess it was something I needed to experience. Some sort of issue I needed to learn. I learned. Time to move on.
- Location:London
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Alexz Johnson - Transparent Lies
Just lately read a book by Jim Butcher called 'White Night' and it had a passage in it that I really liked and decided to share. It is really so simple but sometimes I guess we forget it ...
"... Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it. Pain is part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't,but either way,it's part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves yo changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another. ..."
You hurt. You recover. You move on.
I was upset today and then i bought me a chocolate eclair .... mmm ...
I am feeling better.
I have been patient, more than I should have been. I have believed you, more than I should ever have. I have found excuses for you, and I never should have.
Crying myself to sleep, waking up in the middle of the night because I am crying. Getting drunk during a work day because the mere thought of you brings out tears. I don't deserve this! I want my sanity back. What the hell was I thinking in the first place!! I Can not trust you! You're just using me! Just telling me crap so I would not go mental on You!
No more! I want out! I can do better! I deserve someone who actually gives a shit!! Who makes me happy and is considerate! Really cares about me and does not make me feel like this all the time!! I DESERVE BETTER!!! I do not deserve to be this miserable. I do not!
- Location:work
- Mood:
depressed
- Mood: depressed
- Music:Alexz Johnson - Under My Skin
Whenever I have something planned they fall through. With a bang. So I guess they were not meant to be. But today is such a beautiful day that even the plans for today fall through I will still go out and do something. Even if it means going to the movies or something alone. That's just life.
- Mood: sad
I also saw Northern lights!!! The green ones!!! Very pretty!!!!! Just like these!!!!
- Mood:
bouncy
Yes. yes, I know, I have been away again.
Well, I will not got very far back recounting the events but I will let you know about the past week of mine.
I went to Finland for my vacation. Reacquainted myself again with the slopes. I did other stuff as well of course!
Took the ferry over to Finland and spent the day in Helsinki rummaging around and doing some shopping. Then we took the night train to Rovaniemi. Yes, We loaded the cars on the train and slept while it took as there :D
As when in Rovaniemi there is one thing that you absolutely have to do! I visited Santa Claus. He lives on the Arctic Circle! It was very cool there I must say. Loads of fun.
Afterward we drove to our destination in Levi. Levi is a winter resort in Lapland, northern Finland, beyond the Arctic Circle. Conquered the slopes for a week. It had been 10 years since I last stood on a pair of skis. All in all it went well.
I did have a nasty fall on Thursday tough. It was sort of embarrassing and angering as well. It would have been so much more glamorous if I had fallen while descending the slope! But no I fell while taking off my skis! Pretty much slipped and fell backwards and hit my head hard on an ice lump. I actually saw birds! I just lied there for some time as I just could not get up. Well someone saw it and it was not too long until the nice dude drove up the mountain inna snowmobile to check how bad I was.
Well I got checked out and told that if I start to feel nauseous or get headaches or some such then I have to go to emergency straight away. Nothing happened though and all was good.
I did enjoy my week away. No internet, no nothing. Got some reading done. Got some thinking done. Shed a few tears over some things but I think I came back stronger. The week did me good. Lets see now if i can put at least a fraction of the ideas and thoughts I accumulated into action. Time will tell.
Oh by the way, if you want to see the pictures then here is the link: angette.fotopic.net/
Take care!!!
- Location:Home
- Mood: relaxed
Yes i know I have been missing for a while. Wanted to write here a few times but always forgot. Enjoying the winter, including all the joys that come with it. Like slippery roads and stuff..
Then there was a big company party last week. It was fun as well.
This week however has not been so good. On Sunday woke up with a sore throat and a feeling that something was wrong. By the evening I had e-mailed my doctor and she told me to come by on Tuesday.
My suspicions were right and I really did have an MS relapse as well as a cold. Today was me second day under an IV drip. Tomorrow is the last treatment cycle and then I am done for now. I have not had a relapse for about 3 years. I am not really complaining, it is something I have learned to live with and that really does not bother me. What bothers me on the other hand is that the bloody treatment is making me sick! :D
But I am a tough girl. I still manage to go to work and manage not to think about it. A survivor!! One day to go and then I am done. No more sickie me!!!
- Location:Home
- Mood:
sick
Went to uni yesterday to sort out my little problem. They had a little grin as well and then had a look at my bachelors results. Apparently I had a few more subjects that had transfered to masters from ym 4 year bachelor. Was told to carry one more over and I was all good. Thank god!
So now I can finish writing my final thesis and graduate in the spring. It just may happen that I will take on DCU in the fall after all. But I have yet to decide on that. Good luck to me none the less :)
- Mood:
relieved
I did a 4 year bachelor and then went on to 3+2 masters, meaning i have a bunch of subjects to carry over from bachelors. I had done the calculations before and knew exactly how many points i can carry over and so on. But yesterday I discovered that one of the subjects had changed. When I did it then it gave me 2,5 points and now it has changed and is a 3,5 point subject! Meaning that my happy ' I am 0,5 points on the plius side' turned into 'Oh, Shit! I am 0,5 points short!!!'
So today I am going to go to uni and see the dean and the program lead and try to work something out. I cannot not graduate because of 0,5 bloody points!! Oh, please let there be some higher power watching over me now. I was dead set on graduating in the spring! I have even started my final thesis!!! Please please please, let it sort itself out!!!!
- Mood:
distressed
Yes, I do know I have been missing. It just happens that I have had a huge load of work to do lately. Been working ofr 2 weekend in a row and it is starting to feel. Exhausted beyond belief to be honest.. Hopefully the things I am working on will get done soon and I can concentrate on something new and exciting.
Oh, had a dentists appointment this morning. Went in dreading it . Was certain it is going to cost a bundle. But did not happen after all. All my teeth were good. No cavities. WooHooo!! Only had some stones removed and that was it! Peace and quiet for another 6 months!!
Other than that nothing new or exciting has happened in my life. This weekend though I am planning on going out and having some fun and enjoying myself! Dam it, I deserve it!
As to how that works out you will have to wait for another update. See ya!
- Location:work
- Mood: content
